What makes you marry a woman

We then broadened the study by surveying and then running focus groups of single men who at that time had no intention of getting married. At first, we had young single men do the interviews, but so many of the interviewees gave macho answers that we doubted their reliability. In fact, we threw out the entire study and started again. The second time we tried teams composed of men and women, but that produced mainly politically correct answers, which we also questioned.

Finally, we had men in their sixties ask the questions, and that solved the problem. The responses they elicited were generally straightforward. The single men apparently did not feel an obligation to give these interviewers macho or politically correct answers. This survey uncovered some interesting facts. The first was that there is an age when a man is ready to marry-the Age of Commitment.

The age varies from man to man, but there are patterns that are easily identified:. Still, there is no one-to-one correlation. For example, when a man goes to law school, which takes three additional years, he usually starts considering marriage around age 27 or The single men we interviewed explained that when they get out of school and get a job and start making money, new possibilities open to them.

For the first time, a majority of them have some independence. All of a sudden, they have a nice car and an apartment and an income.

Many look at time spent as a carefree bachelor as a rite of passage. If a woman is seriously trying to find a husband, she should date men who have reached the age of commitment. Even among men who are positively inclined toward marriage and are from identical educational and socioeconomic backgrounds, 20 percent will reach the age of commitment a year or more before our estimates, while another 20 percent will only consider marriage as a real option two to four years later.

This is usually an arrangement agreed to by the man but devised by the woman. When we conducted a focus group with 12 men who had just proposed to women, we learned that men were far more likely to marry when they got tired of the singles scene. Our original intent was to determine how men at different ages reacted to single women they met at social gatherings.

We started by asking the men about their lives before they met their future wives. How often and whom had they dated, where had they met the women, had they gone to singles places and, if so, how often? The first thing that struck us was that about a third of them said that for six months to two years before they met their brides-to-be, they were not dating or going to singles places as often as they had been just a few years earlier.

They had not stopped dating. Picking up women was no longer their main reason for going out. They told us the singles scene was not as much fun as it used to be. Four of them used one phrase or the other, and ten of twelve men in our focus group said they felt the same way: The singles scene had lost some of its appeal.

Many men reluctantly admitted that for more than a year, they had felt uncomfortable in the singles world where they had been hanging out for the past five years. The singles world for professionals obviously is an older and more sophisticated crowd than that for men whose formal education ended in high school, but eventually men from both groups had the same experience. Three young men who had graduated from the same high school were in one focus group made up of men who were about to marry.

One was a plumber, one worked repairing computers, and the third was a store manager. Each said he had begun to feel uncomfortable in his favorite singles place about two years earlier. For two of them, their singles place was a bar and pool hall where they and their single friends hung out and met women.

The third man was a very active member of a large Baptist church. For him, the singles scene was church meetings and church singles functions. Interestingly, he and the fellows who frequented bars and pool halls made the same comment. One said that the singles bar he used to visit was filled with teenyboppers, and he felt out of place. They had simply gotten too old for the crowd. It surprised us when they reported feelings identical to those of the younger high-school-educated men.

The places the professional single men went drew an older crowd. The thought of loving someone forever makes me happy. Thinking about it makes me very happy. I don't want to lose the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. I believe traditions are important. Then there is the wedding itself which is always fun, plus I think there is something to be said for traditions , even if the actual ceremony wouldn't resemble a traditional wedding in so many ways.

I would do anything for the woman I love, including marry her. I'm excited to create an awesome family to make up for the one I never had. When I think back on all of it, it actually makes me want to get married. Having a really awesome family of my own and doing everything I can to ensure that none of that ever happens to my children is one of my largest life goals. I want to spend my life with my BFF by my side.

I love the idea of committing to someone who accepts me for who I am. I'm quite scared of it, especially after seeing my parents marriage but I definitely yearn for that companionship. Marriage simply makes logical sense.

Emotional interdependence and well-being in close relationships. Front Psychol. American Psychological Association. Updated November Emotion regulation predicts marital satisfaction: More than a wives' tale. Does couples' communication predict marital satisfaction, or does marital satisfaction predict communication? J Marriage Fam. Marital conflict in older couples: Positivity, personality, and health. The effects of lack of joint goal planning on divorce over 10 years.

Your Privacy Rights. To change or withdraw your consent choices for VerywellMind. At any time, you can update your settings through the "EU Privacy" link at the bottom of any page. These choices will be signaled globally to our partners and will not affect browsing data.

We and our partners process data to: Actively scan device characteristics for identification. I Accept Show Purposes. Table of Contents View All. Table of Contents. Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! Sign Up. What are your concerns? Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. No matter how anxious or worried or nervous or scared you're feeling, you know you can tell her anything at all and she won't judge you.

Sexual fantasies, awkward illnesses, a fight you had with your parents; anything. You used to text your best friend all of this stuff, but your best friend isn't even mad about that because they're so happy you've found someone you're so close and connected with. She indulges your guilty pleasures.

She knows you love sitting in track pants and eating an entire Funfetti cake, and not only totally accepts that, but sometimes she brings one home and lets you tear that shit up. You want to protect her.

Even though she totally doesn't need protecting. It's just an impulse because you love her so goddamn much. She fights fairly. She doesn't get excessively angry or mean-spirited, and she doesn't bring up old issues or low blows just to hurt you. She might be mad, but she wants to work it out with you, so you talk about it like adults who love each other.

She has her own life outside of your relationship. She knows you two are going to function best when she does her own thing and you do your own thing, and then you both come together and forget about the rest of the world existing. You tell her you miss her when she's gone, and you really mean it. Like, you say you wish she were there because you actually wish she was there.

All the time. Maybe in, like, a live-in situation.